Hang out with a stranger for $5000

Based on my own collection of anecdotal evidence, if you are a Discordian, you probably have heard of the online game Kingdom of Loathing. This browser-based online game has more active Discordians than I have ever seen in one place that wasn't specifically targeted at Discordians. This is apparently evidence that Discordians are fond of stick figures, puns, and references to They Might Be Giants. Or maybe it's just absurdist humor in general. Either way, the game has been attracting Discordians from all over since February 23, 2003, and has established a loyal player base.

The Founding writer of this Game, known as Mr. Skullhead, recently made an error in judgement. He has been working on a comic book that takes place in the Kingdom of Loathing and decided to pursue backing from the player base. He set up a KickStarter page in the hopes of Raising $4,500 in 40 days. The error? It only took 12 hours. He established a number of "Thank You" rewards for different donation levels, including $23 as a nod to the Discordians (2+3=5).

Most talked-about on the Forums (and chat) of Loathing is the option to pledge $5000, which would be thanked by a personal visit from Mr. Skullhead, himself:

 Joshua Nite, aka Mr. Skullhead, will fly to your home (anywhere in the U.S. -- sorry, rest of the world), hand-deliver all your other rewards, cook you dinner, and hang out until you ask, nay, beg him to leave. He knows lots of jokes and stories, can quote literally hundreds of movies, and even plays a little guitar! You can't buy quality entertainment like that, unless you totally do.

Nobody has yet to pledge that amount, so what are you waiting for? You know you're lonely and in need of a friend.

  

The trouble with Atheists

Greyface and his followers took the game of playing at life more seriously than they took life itself and were known even to destroy other living beings whose ways of life differed from their own. – Principia Discordia

Atheists. What is the deal with atheists? I'm not at all confused about atheism, which makes sense. Atheism makes sense after evaluation of one's religious experiences and subsequent rejection of their worth. It's the atheists that I don't get. It's like when they concluded that religion was damaging, they forgot that it was the damage that was negative, and not the religion, and proceeded to do their own damage, but in the name of Atheism instead of in the name of God.

Many atheists claim their beliefs are grounded in science and that they don't believe in things that can't be proven by science. This presents an interesting paradox because the disbelief in any form of deity has no scientific grounds. Basically, these atheists do not have a full understanding of the scientific method. A scientific hypothesis must be falsifiable, meaning that it is possible to prove it wrong. As an example, if I had a deck of cards and claimed the top card was the ace of spades. If I were wrong that would be proven when the card was turned over to reveal a different card. The existence of deity cannot be disproven through objective observation, therefore to hold a firm belief, as either a theist, or an atheist, is completely independent of science and both positions are equally valid (or invalid).

Another big hypocrisy that vocal atheist are prone to is in regards to the free practice of religion. Atheist activists categorically dismiss all religious beliefs as ridiculous, including those religions which are technically Atheist, or those that are fully accepting of science, as ridiculous. According to http://www.atheists.org :

We're respectful of the American people's individual rights to practice as they see fit (equal to our rights to do the same), but this does not mean we have to respect the decision.  If you choose to ignore logic and knowledge in order to believe in an invisible magic man in the sky, or Santa Claus for that matter, you've made a ridiculous decision and we're not going to pretend it's "just another way of looking at things."

The bulk of their vitriol is directed towards Abrahamic religions which are the religions of power and influence in most of the world. Atheists are hardly the only group to be frustrated by the ridiculousness of culturally mandated ignorance, but they destroy their chance of having political allies by summarily dismissing all belief systems as the same as those that kill people and demand lesser education for our children.

While it makes perfect sense to attack religious beliefs that fly in face of all evidence (such as the denial of evolution) or churches that extort money from their followers, it doesn't make sense to dismiss all spiritual people as ridiculous. As a Discordian, if you are going to call me ridiculous, I want you to know what you're talking about, first. I'm not offended if someone reads the principia and concludes it's ridiculous, but I am offended if someone reads the Bible and concludes that the principia is ridiculous, because that's just plain ignorant.

China captures dangerous artist

He deluded honest men to believe that reality was a straightjacket affair and not the happy romance as men had known it. – Principia Discordia

If you are ever unsure about whether there really are forces in the world trying to maintain dangerous levels of order, just have a quick look over at China. On Sunday, artist Ai Weiwei was prevented from leaving the country and is being held by the government. China is so committed to order that not only are people not allowed to criticize the government, they aren't allowed to leave the country. Apparently if Chinese dissidents were to actually leave the country, it would upset some sort of internal balance that the country is maintaining. It is as if people who are critical of the government are necessary for proper digestion when they eat the population whole, and they simply can't bear to get the hiccups.

Sometimes you might see someone dancing in the street dressed as a brightly coloured dragon and ask yourself how that could possibly be a symbol of strength for one of the most order-obsessed countries in the world. The simple fact is that it has been their symbol since long before they were the oppressive dictatorship we know today and that changing it would involve just that: change. Change is chaos, and China is a country afraid of Chaos. It's understandable: having billions of people under your control is a dangerous situation. Giving them voice, or at least a non-state-approved voice, could easily crumble the entire power structure.

Countries across the Middle East have been overthrowing their dictators, and rumblings of discontent and democracy have been heard across China. Right now the world is seeing change happen in places where the government does not represent the interests of the people. The Chinese government is particularly fearful that it could happen to them, and they are ready and willing to stop it. At least it appears that way, if you assume that keeping internationally-renown artists from leaving the country will somehow prevent the population from erupting.

How to watch a 3D movie

Pyrotechnics of pure energy formed her flowing hair, and rainbows manifested and dissolved as she spoke – Principia Discordia

There seems to be few trends in the entertainment industry that have revealed the desperation of producers to separate people from their hard-earned minimum wage. One such example is the reliance on sequels to lure people back to the theatres. This year we will be given the opportunity to spend our money on no less than 27 movie sequels. This is apparently a new record for recycling ideas.

Sequels are not necessarily bad. If you are familiar with the Discordian numbering system, then you know that all movies worth watching come in groups of five. For example, the best Star Wars movie is Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back. It is immaterial that it was not actually the 5^th movie made. The #5 in its title is sufficient. If you want some advice on which of the sequels are friendly to the Discordian system, then you are in luck!

1. Fast Five – This is the 5^th instalment of the Fast and the Furious franchise, but only the third that includes Vin Deisel. It not only fits the numbering system, but if you weren't familiar with the series, you might not even know it was a sequel.
   
2. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn -- Part 1 – This is the fourth instalment of the Twilight Saga, but as you can tell from the title, there is still one more to come. Some Discordian in Hollywood thought it would be better to turn the 4-book series into a 5-movie series, and they were right!
   
3. Final Destination 5 – This could easily be the perfect fifth movie. Nothing is suited better to the 5-ology format than a horror movie exploiting teenagers' sense of mortality.
   
4. X-Men: First Class – This is the fifth X-Men movie, but only the second origins movie, so there could be some debate as to its right to be on this list. If they continue to put money into this franchise with the same concern for quality, we'll probably make it to the sacred number 23, so either way, we win!
   
5. Rise of the Apes – This is a new Planet of the Apes movie. The original series of films were released between 1968 and 1973, and numbered exactly 5. Then they made a remake and failed to produce sequels. Given the time travel involved in the original series, it appears that this is some sort of inbetweenquel, so you could probably assign it a decimal and it will still fit the numbering scheme.
   

If sequels aren't your thing, perhaps you are more prone to Hollywood's other great strategy: 3D. It's a fantastic scheme because you could show up for a matinee or mid-week showing when tickets are typically cheaper, and if you want to watch a 3D movie, you have to pay full price, which is actually full price plus $3. 3D movies are able to do this because the experience is so unique. After all, real life is not 3D. However, I have devised a way for you to get the full 3D experience at home:

1. Obtain some money, approximately $13-$15, or whatever the cost of a 3D movie at your local theatre.
   
2. Find an open area, like a park, field, or even a street.
   
3. Wad up the money so that it is a single weighted lump.
   
4. Throw it as hard as you can in the direction with the fewest obstacles.
   
5. Observe as your money APPEARS to be getting farther away from you, just like a REAL 3D movie!

Baby causes chaos for public transport

Suffice to say that Eris is not hateful of malicious. – Principia Discordia

A bizarre bit of news caught my attention today. Apparently a woman and her child in Australia were kicked off of a bus because the baby was laughing too loudly. The situation is pretty fascinating to anyone who has ever ridden public transit: of all the things that have ever happened to justify kicking someone off a bus, this driver had to pick on a happy baby.

Sometimes, I guess people just have to find some way to impose order and this baby was an easy target. It is, after all, difficult to find more evidence that people are predisposed towards chaos than by observing small children and babies.  They will laugh, cry, wet themselves, and demand to be fed, without regard for cultural standards, where they happen to be, or what anyone will think of them. For someone who has dedicated themselves to order, a baby is an easy target. 

The driver didn’t even target a crying baby, which everyone knows is beyond anyone’s power to quiet reliably without causing serious injury. Instead, the target was a happy baby, and it is easy to make a baby unhappy, so this mother was targeted for not using her power to make her child unhappy. It certainly makes me wonder what kind or narcissist this bus driver must be to think that her whim should be enough for a mother to interfere with a child’s happiness. 

By trying to keep some extreme version of order on her bus, the driver has probably thrown her own life into chaos: the kind of uproar that has resulted after this incident usually sees results. The predictable result will be that the driver will lose her job. This is usually the easiest way for an organization to deal with high-profile complaints.

Changing tone for a moment, I would like to explore some scenarios in which the bus driver may have been in the right:

1. The bus was being high-jacked and the driver wanted to protect the child without drawing dangerous attention to the high-jacking.
2. The bus had failed to pass an emissions check and the passenger’s area of the bus was found to be filled with a level of toxic fumes dangerous to children.
3. It was not a baby at all, but a bomb concealed in baby clothes.
4. The baby had a sonic-based super power, and the laughing was causing glass to break and ears to bleed.

Chaos in Libya

There is serenity in Chaos. Seek ye the Eye of the Hurricane - Principia Discordia


As a Discordian, I see a lot of my beliefs being manifested in world events today. Not just simply because there is so much Chaos, but in the way people are responding to it. I'm seeing the inner Discordians of people from all walks of life manifest.

If you are a fellow Discordian, then you probably see it already. If you are not a Discordian, you may be curious about what I am referring to. 

Today I want to discuss what's going on in Libya. The people of Libya are rising up to depose Muammar Gaddafi, who has been in charge for 42 years. On its surface, there's nothing more Discordian than wanting to shake things up, particularly if they have been stagnant for 42 years. What I find particularly interesting about this is the international reaction: People are largely supportive of the protests, as well as concerned that a new government will just be more of the same. 

The concerns that the typical Discordian would have about this type of uprising is in regards to the ideology that will take over. In the cycle of Chaos and Order, after a series of protests now verging on all-out war, there will likely be a strong desire for stability in the region, and that's where the inner Discordians should be very concerned: Instead of putting someone in power who wants all the things they were protesting for, they could easily pick someone simply to put things back to normal. That could easily mean they would forget the freedom they were fighting for and choose someone based on their ability to establish the status quo, likely through wealth or international contacts. It seems unlikely that the Libyan people took to the streets to get themselves a self-serving puppet dictator, so hopefully they can keep their eyes on the prize when the dust starts to settle.