The absolute least you can do for the environment

There's a pretty simple case to be made for why people should take steps to help protect our environment. Generally speaking there is only one way people can do this: reduce consumption. However, people in the western world have a habit of being both greedy and lazy. Today I would like to introduce you to the Discordian top 5 ways to save the planet without having to compromise you standard of couch-sitting.


1) Buy electronics that have all the features you want

In fact, you might actually consider buying MORE than you want. In this era of people being brainwashed into buying a new cell phone just because there's a new one available it would be wise to get one that's going to do everything you can imagine wanting to do with it for as far into the future as you can make it. The goal is to reduce electronic waste products by buying quality high-performing products that you aren't going to throw out in 6 months. Treat yourself to the high-end and stick with it for longer. 

2) Double-roll toilet paper

Larger rolls of toilet paper not only mean that you'll have to dig out a new roll less often; they also mean that you throw away less packaging. A double roll means you throw out half as many paper tubes and the reduced empty space means there's less packaging around the whole pack. The bigger the roll and the more rolls per package means less packaging per roll.


3) Pee in the shower

Every time you flush the toilet you are wasting drinking water. By peeing in the shower you save one toilet flush worth of water. It's similar to the "if it's yellow let it mellow" method of saving water, except that your guests won't judge you. Unless you shower with them.


4) Use Cruise Control

In this day and age it's incredible that we still have to use both our upper and lower bodies to drive a vehicle. Aren't we supposed to have robots for that? Well, we kind of do, and they are better at it than we are. Cruise control uses less gas on long trips than your foot on the gas pedal.


5) Toss recyclables on the ground

Litter? Can I be serious? An alarming number of people can't be bothered to take recyclables to the depot to collect their deposit and as a result many bottles and cans end up in landfills. However, in many communities there are homeless people and low income people who aren't above combing the ditches and garbage cans for something that's worth a dime. So if instead of tossing it in the garbage, you left it on the ground someplace visible, there a good chance it will soon end up being recycled without you having to lift a finger.