Rebecca Black vs Jenna Rose

It is also believed that they have been costuming cabbages and passing them off as human beings. – Principia Discordia

It seems that everyone loves to hate Rebecca Black's impossibly vapid single "Friday", and for reasons that are mostly apparent: it's mindless, repetitive, and speaks to nothing but a privileged adolescence. One thing I noticed about the song that nobody seems to be saying is that it makes Jenna Rose look good.

Jenna Rose, another YouTube darling, has a single called "My Jeans" about, you guessed it, Jeans. The song is pretty mindless and is about a girl who has a pair of Jeans that she sees someone famous wearing in a magazine and therefore feels superior to her peers whose jeans are not featured in a magazine. By comparison, Rebecca Black's "Friday" is about how Friday is when the weekend starts, and weekends are "fun, fun, fun, fun, etc…"

 
When you compare the two songs, both of them are about the simpler concerns of a relatively privileged adolescence and lack any real emotional depth. They both have a catchy repetitiveness, but not so catchy that you feel compelled to listen to them again. However, "My Jeans" comes off as more genuine and whimsical. It's shallow, but in a way that you feel a young girl might actually have written it, enjoyed writing it, and felt proud when it was finished. Rebecca Black's video comes off as a little too polished to be the whimsical work of a young girl and ends up taking itself too seriously, which is why she's now an internet joke.

 
Rebecca Black's "Friday" is about such privilege that her life is made up of nothing but fun and school. While most kids have reason to look forward to the weekend, many have to work or help the family with chores. While Jenna Rose's song also speaks to privilege, there is nothing in the song that prevents a teenager who had to get a job to buy their own clothes from relating to the thrill of wearing something that was featured in a magazine.

While both Rebecca Black and Jenna Rose are shallow and simplistic, Jenna Rose manages, by comparison, to have more content and to be more relatable, and generally seems less manufactured. This raises an important question: Is it actually a good thing to have someone who makes Jenna Rose look good achieve as much fame as Rebecca Black?

Vaccine for cat ladies discovered

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way. - Mark Twain

I think we all have one of those friends. The one with 2 cats that she obsesses over, buying them toys, treats and the latest designer litter box. She lets them sleep with her, she buries her face in their fur with affection, and maybe, just maybe, she will actually complain about her allergies. Whether she complains or not, you can see them: those big, puffy red eyes begging you to take the cats away from her. Of course, you never step in. You know that those cats are your friends surrogate children and you wouldn't dare get in the way of that relationship. The most you could ever do is fetch your friend a pack of antihistamines and hope it works out.

It has always been a mystery why cat allergies weren't enough to keep someone from becoming at cat lady. Surely the universe was trying to communicate to these people that they should not live with cats, or at the very least not sleep with them. Were they fanatics who considered themselves martyrs for some feline cause? Do they somehow feel that they deserve to suffer? Do they own stock in an antihistamine manufacturer? These questions may never be answered, and thanks to a recent discovery, we may soon be able to stop asking.

Researchers at McMaster University have discovered a cure for your friend's troubles: a vaccine that reduces, or even eliminates completely, allergies to cats. That means that your friend can love their furry companions and not have to suffer for it (unless, of course, the stuffy nose was saving them from smelling the litter box). The vaccine, currently in clinical trials, is supposed to have very few side effects compared to current immunotherapy shots and requires fewer injections.

This vaccine's potential is seemingly endless when it comes to benefitting cat ladies: every friend or love interest who kept their distance because they didn't want to deal with their allergies is suddenly going to be able to pet those adorable kitties and only be thinking about how soft and friendly they are. The vaccine could also have benefits for people who aren't particularly fond of cats, such as people who come into contact with cat dander through their jobs, such as house cleaners or veterinarians. Even better, the researchers are working on developing similar vaccines for other environmental allergens such as hay fever. If the trials are a success, taking antihistamine tablets for allergies could become a thing of the past.

The only question that remains is if the vaccine will remove the stigma associated with being a cat lady. If so, the prescription will probably come with directions: "For best results, limit number of cats."

Canada Rockets toward The Next Generation

I certainly remember building model rockets. It was fun to watch the rocket blast into the air, suspenseful to wonder if the parachute would open to bring the rocket safely back. - Eric Allin Cornell

Canada will be going to the polls on May 2^nd and a few things of note are going on in the lead-up to the election. The first is vote mobs. Canadian youth are trying to encourage their peers to participate in the electoral process using a public protest style. This is news because Canadian youth are capable of being interested in the politics of virtually any country except Canada. The second point of interest is the surge in popularity of the New Democrat Party. Recent polls have the NDP placing 2^nd in this election.

NDP Leader Jack Layton

The NDP placing 2^nd may not seem particularly noteworthy on its own, especially given that those same polls see Canada heading towards another Conservative minority government. However, if the NDP get enough seats, they may end up leading the country anyway. The Liberals have been hesitant to form a coalition government because it apparently loses them some credibility, something the NDP has never really worried about (see photo). It seems more likely that a coalition would actually happen with the NDP in charge, since they've never been expected to form a majority government. The Liberals can tag along as nearly 50% partners while the NDP take the heat for teaming up with the "separatist" Bloc Quebecois, and that's only if they need their seats to out-number Conservative leader Steven Harper.

The election can still go any number of directions, especially if enough young people actually vote. Young people are where pollsters may be made fools: they are less likely to be polled. The election could go in any direction if people did the thing that they were least expected to do and just voted.

It may be unexpected to hear such tradition advice from a Discordian blog. The expected thing for a Discordian to do might be to spoil their ballot, possibly by drawing a cannabis leaf or a cartoon version of male genitalia. However, that's the sort of thing that Discordians have always done, and it's getting a bit predictable. Maybe the young rebels should change it up a bit and draw that image of protest neatly inside the check box next to the candidate you'd most like to see win.

Another Chink in Wal-Mart’s Veneer

Leave it to a girl to take all the fun out of sex discrimination. – Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

One of the biggest beacons of artificially imposed order is going to be facing the Supreme Court in the United States over its treatment of female employees. The company is being accused of systematic discrimination ranging from issues of pay equity and being passed over for promotions, to being segregated on company trips. It's remarkable that Wal-Mart has been accused of many things ranging from destroying small businesses to slavery, most of which has been substantiated, and yet they continue to grow with the support of the masses behind them. Why is that? The most likely answer is ignorance. Or most people hold contempt for other human beings bordering on true evil.

Most people justify shopping at Wal-Mart by citing the prices. In some cases, this might make sense. The things that Wal-Mart sells that are true necessities are food and clothes. The clothes tend to be very cheap and the food tends to be 1-2 cents cheaper than a grocery store. Almost everything else they sell is consumerist junk that nobody needs. Yes it's such a big deal to get that XBOX for a few cents less. In many cases, Wal-Mart isn't any cheaper. So many people who shop there do so exclusively and will overpay for all kinds of things while believing they are getting a deal. The real question is: Do Wal-Mart shoppers consider the whole price?

Ignorance. Sometimes the only way to have faith in humanity is to believe that they are morons who think about nothing except food and television. The alternative is that the humble Wal-Mart shopper picks up that discounted thing-a-ma-bob and says to themselves "this is an excellent price, well worth knowing that women were raped and forced to have abortions so that I could get such a good price" or "I'm comfortable knowing that this is made from wood taken from a protected habitat and an endangered species may go extinct if people continue to buy these products". Having faith in humanity means believing that if they knew what they were paying for, they would spend their money on something else. But then you have to confront why so many people are ignorant about something that has been so well documented. Most people ARE aware that Wal-Mart gets at least some of its products from sweat shops. Unfortunately, most people believe that the worst qualities of sweat shops are long hours, little pay, and a lack of air conditioning. They tend not to know about the rape, murder, slavery, and extortion, for example.

Wal-Mart is an embodiment of destructive order, and people wait in line for their turn to pay the machine. As with so many things, ignorance is the enemy. When someone you know shops at Wal-Mart, ask them if it was worth the price. Then ask them if they knew that God is a Crazy Woman.

American Dream in Chaos

Out of the darkness, the chaos of time,\The whirlwind gave birth to the Mother sublime -Jean M. Auel, The Land of Painted Caves


There seems to be a great deal of anxiety when people's lives' take a turn for the unexpected. We have been taught that there is a particular pattern that one's life should follow and that following the pattern is "success" is its purest form. However, the trip to the suburban lifestyle is not always an easy one, and, as it turns out, it's not supposed to be.

Following the expected path to picket fences is the surest way to be knocked off the path by someone more ambitious. Success is a war, and the people who share the battlefield are no longer allies, if they ever were. Despite the continued expectation that people go to college to get a good job, there are still high school dropouts who become successful business owners. The corporate buzz-phrase "thinking outside of the box" is, in fact, a Discordian idea. Of course, in the corporate context, they are comfortable knowing that there is a box, and prefer to just pop their heads outside once in a while to make sure things are moving in the desired direction.

If you are an individual who wants to succeed outside the corporate structure, the most effective way is to burn the box. If taken literally, that pretty much involves re-enacting the movie Fight Club to its conclusion. This may not be the best approach as it involves putting yourself in considerable danger. You should, however, be willing to take a risk. The current state of the American Dream has so many people going for the same goal in the same way that it is propping up a disproportionate amount of order in the universe. Chaos wants to have its chance, and if you take a big enough risk doing something unconventional enough, with a unique goal, Eris may very well reward you with success.

Of course, Eris doesn't define success in terms of suburban dreams, so it's best to truly have a unique goal. Best to close your eyes, spin in circles, then just start walking, because an object in motion will remain in motion, and you don't want to get stuck at a red light at the intersection of life.

The remarkable anti-gravity properties of money

We Erisians seldom pray, it's much too dangerous. Charles Fort has listed many factual incidences of ignorant people confronted with, say, a drought, and then praying fervently – and then getting the entire village wiped out in a torrential flood. – Principia Discordia

President Reagan was a strong proponent of what many people currently refer to as trickle-down economics. It's now known to be a bunch of nonsense, but Reagan can hardly be blamed for his ignorance. The driving principle behind the idea was simple physics: what goes up must come down. It had a strong intuitive truth to it, after all, water leached from the earth eventually trickled back down in the form of rain, and it had been well documented that shit travels downhill, so why shouldn't money do the same?

In fact, money shows a particular talent for traveling uphill. It's not known why this was not observed sooner, but the effects of it can be seen everywhere, most clearly in the banks. Banks are theoretically the cornerstones of the trickle-down economy: they amass wealth, and then distribute it in the form of loans. The rest of the process is ignored in the trickle-down model; the banks then collect on the loans with interest. This demonstrates one of money's most important properties and purposes: money attracts more money.

Many people have been duped into believing that the purpose of money is for buying things. The popularity of this belief is actually one of the simplest ways that money attracts more money: by investing an amount of money into the development, sale, and marketing of a product, the investor can collect money from people who purchase those products. By promoting the belief that money is for buying things, they can easily separate people from ALL of their money.

One of the most interesting things that has been observed about money is it's affinity for floating upward. The hidden potential behind this property has not been fully explored and it is open to exploration for anyone to try. Here are some experiments that anyone could try:

1. Make shoes out of money and attempt to walk on water. Note: this should not be attempted on a fountain or any other body of water where people tend to toss coins. As money attracts money, this could interfere with the experiment, or cause one to be held underwater to drown.
   
2. Cover your mattress with money to discover if it will make you mattress lighter and potentially lead to a more comfortable sleep. This might explain why the wiser generation was so fond of keeping their cash in their mattresses.
   
3. Attach money to your key chain and create a dowsing rod with money attached to the end and see if this helps you find your keys.
   
4. When reading Tolstoy, use money as a bookmark to determine if it makes the reading any lighter.
   
5. Fill a balloon with money to uncover an alternative to helium. 

China captures dangerous artist

He deluded honest men to believe that reality was a straightjacket affair and not the happy romance as men had known it. – Principia Discordia

If you are ever unsure about whether there really are forces in the world trying to maintain dangerous levels of order, just have a quick look over at China. On Sunday, artist Ai Weiwei was prevented from leaving the country and is being held by the government. China is so committed to order that not only are people not allowed to criticize the government, they aren't allowed to leave the country. Apparently if Chinese dissidents were to actually leave the country, it would upset some sort of internal balance that the country is maintaining. It is as if people who are critical of the government are necessary for proper digestion when they eat the population whole, and they simply can't bear to get the hiccups.

Sometimes you might see someone dancing in the street dressed as a brightly coloured dragon and ask yourself how that could possibly be a symbol of strength for one of the most order-obsessed countries in the world. The simple fact is that it has been their symbol since long before they were the oppressive dictatorship we know today and that changing it would involve just that: change. Change is chaos, and China is a country afraid of Chaos. It's understandable: having billions of people under your control is a dangerous situation. Giving them voice, or at least a non-state-approved voice, could easily crumble the entire power structure.

Countries across the Middle East have been overthrowing their dictators, and rumblings of discontent and democracy have been heard across China. Right now the world is seeing change happen in places where the government does not represent the interests of the people. The Chinese government is particularly fearful that it could happen to them, and they are ready and willing to stop it. At least it appears that way, if you assume that keeping internationally-renown artists from leaving the country will somehow prevent the population from erupting.